Few would say the hotel makes the holiday. Traditionally, they serve as a base. An amenity-stacked home away from home. Somewhere to kick back and relax after an action-packed day. But in this brave new world of niche international travel and Instagram, things are changing. Accommodation is coming to occupy center stage of the holiday experience, and more people are going that extra mile to seek out the most unusual.
Holidaymakers are now at liberty to wake up wherever they like – whether that be underwater, up a mountain or even up in space. The world’s quirkiest hotels come in all shapes and sizes: some small enough to house your goldfish, others large enough to be in with a shot of declaring themselves an independent country. But in this article, it’s not so much the size that matters as the accommodation’s strangeness, quirkiness and individuality.
Capsule Inn, Osaka, Japan
Since 1979, Japan has led the way in capsule hotels – accommodation that puts efficiency and simplicity at its heart. Capsule hoteliers claim to offer that elusive first-class hotel experience. And yet it’s difficult to get around the fact that your room essentially resembles a washing machine.
The Capsule Inn looks a little like a laundromat, only slightly more unsettling. Not so much because of the lighting, or even the designs of the pods, but because you’re left to watch middle-aged businessmen climb routinely into the machines.
Unsurprisingly, Capsule hotels are neither designed for – nor the first choice of – the rich and famous. As a competitor acknowledges on its website, their main clientele are people who have “missed the last train”, “want to feel more comfortable than in an Internet café” or simply “want to stay as cheaply as possible.”
But you can at least expect high levels of comfort and hygiene if you check into a capsule hotel. Not least because human-sized microwaves are remarkably easy to clean.
Null Stern Hotel, Graubünden, Switzerland
Is it an art installation? A hotel? A combination of the two? The debate rages almost as hard as your partner will when they find that their hotel room consists of nothing more than a slab of concrete, a bed, and two bedside tables.
Exposed to the elements and in the arse-end middle-of-nowhere.
Translating literally as “no stars”, the Null Stern is situated 6,463 feet above sea level, obliterating any hope your partner may have had of spending the day at the beach.
But there are things to do: go for walks; have deep, meaningful talks; or wait for your unfortunate butler to deliver you breakfast in bed (though from where is anyone’s guess).
It has one of the most uninformative websites you’ve ever seen, with phrases like “the only star is you” and “the spirit coming soon to a location near you” written to stir the souls of the worst kind of people.
I actually take particular issue with the phrase “coming soon to a location near you”, as it assumes you live anywhere near a romantic, mountainous landscape, and not in Wolverhampton.
If you’re looking for luxury facilities, five-star comfort, and a variety of things to do, you should go anywhere other than here. Yet because, the world’s full of lunatics, if you do decide that the Null Stern’s the place for you, be sure to book well in advance.
Bivacco Gervasutti, Mont Blanc, Italy
The Bivacco Gervasutti evokes powerful memories of the 1993 survival drama “Alive”, as it looks just like a fuselage slammed into the side of a mountain.
Named after the famous Alpine climber Giusto Gervasutti, it’s perched – precariously – on Mont Blanc’s Frebouze Glacier, some 2,835 meters above sea level. Remarkably, it’s not the first lodging to have been built on this site, having replaced a much more spartan, wooden structure built in Gervasutti’s memory in 1948.
Measuring 30 square meters, this remarkable design sleeps 12 and comes equipped with two dormitories, a living area, and a dining area.
While cozy, nobody would go out of their way to call it luxurious. But it’s definitely better than chancing it in the sub-zero temperatures outside.
And it’s probably safe to assume that its guests aren’t required to balance their weights accordingly, so they don’t send the capsule toppling into the glacial abyss below.
Unlike the unfortunate survivors of “Alive”, guests at the Bivacco Gervasutti can dedicate their waking hours to recreational pursuits rather than struggling desperately for survival by cannibalising chunks of co-pilot.
Its mountainous situation offers plenty of fantastic hiking trails, all complimented by a backdrop of sublime Alpine views. And despite its remote location in Italy, the Bivacco Gervasutti isn’t even that cut off from society; its solar-powered energy provides a stable Internet connection for anyone who need to check their emails or send for urgent help.
Das Park Hotel, Ottensheim, Austria
It’s fair to say that most of us go on holiday to get some respite from the crap in our lives.
It’s also fair to say that most of us wouldn’t part with our money for the privilege of staying the night in a converted concrete sewage pipe.
Alas, it’s fair to say that most of us will never visit Das Park Hotel.
Wikimedia Commons
Its 9.5-tonne suites look like accommodation into which you might crawl when the doomsday clock reaches midnight and mushroom clouds bloom above you.
Consisting of little more than a raised mattress and a lamp, the décor doesn’t exactly scream extravagance. But there is at least a power outlet for you to charge your cellphone, walkie-talkie or flashlight. And there’s loads of space for you to stretch out and wait for the nuclear dust clouds to blow over.
But surely the Das Park Hotel is in a decent location?
Well, actually no.
Situated upon the site of an old purification plant, it lies a short distance from the River Danube to the south and Ottensheim – known by absolutely nobody as the “Paris of the Danube” – to the east.
Should the location be inconvenient, you can always try the sister sewage pipes located near Essen in neighboring Germany.
Don’t worry: they too have been thoroughly cleaned since their original use.
Hotel Casanus, Antwerp, Belgium
Keeping with the theme of waste, our fourth hotel takes the shape of a giant anatomically accurate intestine, designed by Dutch artist Joep van Lieshout. The organ, known as the CasAnus, lies sprawled out in the middle of a particularly swampy field known as the Verbeke Foundation Statue Park.
Plus, at just €120 per couple per night, it falls comfortably among the bracket of the world’s more affordable rentable anuses.
Aesthetically speaking, it’s a shitshow.
Built from wood, PU foam, and fiberglass-reinforced polyester, the colon appears red, raw, and throbbing on the outside and pure, pristine white from within. Much unlike yours. But this hasn’t watered down its enormous popularity, particularly – for reasons unknown – with couples.
Annually, it’s believed to sleep between 200 to 250 people. Breakfast is provided (provided you can stomach it) and the colon comes kitted out with a double bed, central heating and shower (should the compulsive urge to scrub and cleanse yourself get the better of you).
The CasAnus isn’t Lieshout’s only magnum opus though: in this Vice interview he discusses his BarRectum – the perfect watering hole for those who like nothing more than enjoying an icy Belgium beer inside a comically oversized anus.
No plans are yet afoot for affixing an extension to the BarRectum. But we’re still hoping for one for a semicolon for the CasAnus.
Skylodge Adventure Suites, Cusco, Peru
If you’re the kind of person who likes to live life on the edge, the Skylodge Adventure Suites might be the perfect choice for you.
Since 2013, the 3 suites that make up the accommodation have been offering its guests stunning 360-degree views over Peru’s picturesque Sacred Valley of Cuzco. Made from aerospace aluminum and weather resistant polycarbonate, each suite measures seven meters in length and nearly two-and-a-half meters in height and are absolutely solid and completely transparent (apart from the bathroom which is, fortunately, concealed).
The sky’s the limit when it comes to amenities.
A night’s stay comes with gourmet food and wine (although it may be best to hold off on the drinking until safely locked away inside your capsule) and a professional bilingual guide who can say “don’t look down” in your language of preference.
But the Skylodge Adventure Suites are not targeted so much at foodies as at adrenaline junkies, couples wanting a romantic yet active experience, or couples wanting to send their better half plummeting to their death while making it look like an accident.
One thing to bear in mind is that the transit to and from your accommodation isn’t the easiest. In order to reach the suites, lodgers must choose between a 400 meter climb up the Via Ferrata or negotiate a perilous trail requiring zip lines and nerves of steel. Having said that, I can think of holidays when my journey back to the hotel room has been more challenging, and I was staying on the first floor.
The Dog Bark Park Inn, Idaho, US
If, like me, you were raised on a diet of slasher and horror classics, your first instinct upon being asked to stay at a place owned chainsaw artists deep in the heart of Idaho would be to say, “f*ck that”, and run a mile. But that would be impulsive. For the Dog Bark Park Inn, just on the outskirts of the small town of Cottonwood, is actually a haven for those who know full well who man’s best friend is.
That the hotel is designed for dog lovers is something only vaguely hinted at by the fact that it’s shaped like a giant beagle. The world’s largest, in fact.
And if that’s not enough, then something that really sets this hotel apart is that, in order to access your accommodation, you must ascend a flight of steps and enter through the dog’s rectum.
Once inside, however, you’ll find a comfortably canine, predictably puppyish interior – including a snuggly alcove situated in the muzzle. And hotel owners Dennis and Francis also serve up a wonderful range of food, from breakfasts, teas coffees and bagels (not beagles). Just make sure to keep chocolate away from the dog.
Go there alone, with friends, or with your partner. And sleep safe in the knowledge that no matter how south things go you’re already spending the night in the doghouse. And be sure to take your canine companion, the folks at Dog Bark Park do their very own dog carvings.
That is to say they’ll do a carving of your dog.
This isn’t a slasher movie.
Crane Hotel Faralda, Amsterdam, Netherlands
Most of Amsterdam’s tourists visit coffee shops to get high (which sell slightly stronger substances than caffeine) or smart shops (which sell significantly stronger substances than caffeine).
But then there are those few who give literal meaning to their quest by booking into the Crane Hotel Faralda.
The hotel cranes over the phenomenally hipster-sounding yet drearily industrial NDSM Wharf neighborhood. But it’s not so much what you can see directly below as what you can see around you that makes it so spectacular. There’s also a hot tub at the top and, of course, a bungee rope for those who wish to throw themselves from the top of a crane and live.
And for when you want to head into Amsterdam’s center, there’s a free ferry that’ll get you there in 10 minutes.
Rooms at the Faralda are hard to come by (obviously – they had to be built into a giant crane). There are only three suites on offer, but each has its unique theme and design.
- The Free Spirit suite, occupying 36 square meters and two floors of sleek and stylish design, floats above the River Ij and offers stunning views over the city.
- The Secret suite – a former machinery room – is a perfect lovers nest of blues and greens.
- Finally the gold and black Mystique suite, decked out in leather, offers an ambience more suited to lovers who favor whips and chains over sunset serenades.
Icehotel, Jukkasjärvi, Sweden
It was inevitable that some kind of arctic-themed accommodation would make its way into this article. And despite the phenomenal beauty of Norway’s Kakslauttanen Igloo resort, pride of place must ultimately go to Sweden for having founded the world’s first ice hotel back in 1989.
Unlike the polar ice caps, the Icehotel rejuvenates every year, with each of its rooms taking on a new and ingenious form.
Guests are offered a choice between cold or warm suites, depending on how much they want to chill. But this doesn’t get in the way of the hotel operating year round: every year, each cold suite is skillfully and artfully recarved and refurnished by the world’s best artists.
Because the ice suites hold a temperature of between -8 to -5 degrees Celsius, it’s recommended that guests sandwich one night in a cold room between two nights in warm rooms, and that they stay in warm accommodation for the first and final night of their trip. Because nothing ruins a holiday like hypothermia, and hotel staff don’t want to come in at 7:30 the next morning to find that you’ve frozen to death in your sleep.
Funnily enough the hotel restaurant isn’t made of ice – presumably because nobody’s yet worked out how to make an ice oven that works. But there is a fully stocked Icebar where all drinks come in ice glasses. Fortunately, it features a floor of snow rather than ice, so as to avoid unwanted slippy encounters with other guests.
Visiting the world’s quirkiest hotels
It’s just as well that the world is full of remarkable yet ridiculous places like these because we too are also both remarkable and ridiculous. We clearly have the need to break out now and again, check ourselves into an alternate reality and fall asleep and wake up somewhere strange.
And nowadays we have more choice than the classic hotel, motel, holiday inn.
Some of us derive pleasure from prematurely checking ourselves into a morgue-like capsule hotel: accommodation resembling what will one day be our resting place. Others take comfort in hanging out in a crane overlooking the bohemian paradise of Amsterdam, climbing into pods overlooking Peru’s Sacred Valley, or channeling their inner cannibal in a capsule perched atop Mont Blanc.
Some of us can think of nothing better than kicking back inside a giant self-serviceable sewage pipe, an anatomically accurate colon, or climbing up inside a beagles rectum. And these are just a few examples; there are infinitely more weird and wonderful places to fit everyone’s niche just waiting out there. Go forth, and go and find them
